Well, well, well…I made it to day 15 CHEAT FREE. 15 days may not seem like much, but if you know my background, this is a big deal for me.
A little over three years ago, I was 215 pounds. On top of that, I was depressed, I was addicted to food and I really didn’t like anything about myself. Being bloated and exhausted was how I felt all the time, I didn’t know anything else. Every move and every thought was controlled by food. I wouldn’t leave the house without food, I couldn’t make it to a destination without a detour through the McDonald’s drive thru and I couldn’t go a day without binging on junk food. A venti Frappuccino with a breakfast sandwich and an apple fritter was my breakfast. I would be too embarrassed to order two breakfast sandwiches, so I would go to a different starbucks for another. I would bring snacks to work like Cheetos or crackers and dip just to make it to lunch. I went out to lunch daily and the Red Robin near work knew that I wanted a bacon cheeseburger with extra fries, tartar sauce, honey mustard and a diet coke. As if that wasn’t enough, I would then stop by the store before heading back to work for some candy and chips. The rest of the day would be spent thinking about food – what was next. On my way home from work, I would head to the grocery store for some wine, chips, frozen spinach dip and usually a frozen snack like chicken nuggets or fries. When I would get to my car, I would call in Thai food to pick up on my way home. Yep – all that stuff I bought at the store would be for after I ate my Thai food.
So. Freaking. Ridiculous. I had no time to workout because any time I was home, I was eating. Eating literally all night until I went to bed. It was sick – I was sick. I know saying I have a food addiction seems dramatic – but, I am most definitely a food addict. My life was controlled by food. I would actually get upset when I felt full because my mind was still telling me to eat, even though my body had enough.
Throughout my journey, I have always allowed myself cheat meals. If I am completely honest, cheat meals taste incredible – but they FUEL my food addiction. I don’t think I will ever NOT be a food addict. It will always be there. Most days I win, but I still have days where I lose. Cheat meals to a food addict are like giving an alcoholic just one drink. Sometimes I can do it and keep that cheat meal at just one meal. Most of the time however, that cheat meal turns into a binge weekend where I undo ALL of the hard work I put in during the week. There is nothing more painful than waking up on Monday morning beating yourself up for going off track. I have gone off track more times than I can count and every time I do it – I ask myself – was that cheat meal really work it? There has never been a time where I say yes. No meal is worth feeling guilty over.
Before I get the rude comments about how cheat meals are healthy – please remember where I come from. There is nothing wrong with ONE cheat meal. But, when a cheat meal causes you to spiral out of control for a day, a weekend or even a week – then you may want to rethink them.
My goal after having Ben was to be 140 before I get pregnant with baby #2. I started my last pregnancy at 165 pounds. Now, being 15 months postpartum, I am kicking myself for not being more strict sooner. I am 6 pounds away from my goal – but those last pounds are the toughest to get off. It is never too late to turn things around and buckle down. So that is exactly what I am doing.
This is why I am proud of my 15 days completely cheat free. I have measured every single thing I have ate. I have pushed myself so hard in every workout – lifting the most I can during each workout, doing every single rep and giving it my all. This month, I have watched most of my challenge group have cheat meals – something that is completely fine. I caught myself seeing others having a glass of wine or eating a Christmas cookie or two – and thinking, well, if they are doing it, it would probably be ok if I do too. It is so easy to see others making progress and still allowing cheats, and to think that I can do that too. This time, I didn’t use that as an excuse. Just because others do something, doesn’t mean I have to as well. I know that one glass of wine usually turns into a binge on junk food. I know that one cookie would turn into a whole plate. I know ME! This is my food addiction just trying to lure me in!
NO! NO! NO!!!!
Not this time. If I am going to go off my meal plan, it is going to be on Christmas. Not on a weekend where I am just lounging at home. Even on Christmas, I am going to do everything in my power to not go off plan. I don’t kill myself in my workouts just to trash my body with food and alcohol. Plus, I want to prove to myself that I can stay on track during the most tempting time of the year. I will never conquer this food addiction if I am constantly fueling it each weekend.
So, there you go. 15 days cheat free. 15 days cheese free. I feel on top of the world. My body is bloated thanks to that time of the month, but even at my most bloated, I STILL feel awesome. No matter what the scale says right now, it cannot take away how proud I feel. I battled some cravings this weekend and right now, I am thanking myself for stay strong. It WAS worth it.
This week is a little different because I am only going to the office two days this week, then working from home one day and then I am off work for about a week and a half. Being off work is going to be like a massively long, tempting, weekend. I have to really plan ahead and get my mind in the right place so I can come off of my break being on track and feeling good.
This week, I am having the same breakfast and lunch that I have been having, then switching up my dinners with turkey tacos.
Here is to an incredible week and seeing ABS once this bloat goes away! YAY!
